I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
