So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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