So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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