tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
