I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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