i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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