the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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