I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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