I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
