she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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