plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
