Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
