I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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