Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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