His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
