i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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