O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
