The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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