you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
