I want to stick my p in your. b.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize