I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
love makes seman taste better
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
