how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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