craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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