people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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