It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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