You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
