The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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