If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
