so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
