Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
