i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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