i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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