You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
