my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize