did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
