3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So drunk its hurt
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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