HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
