I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
