I'm gonna have a badass scar
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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