i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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