the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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