Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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