the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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