And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
