just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Damn victory sex feels great
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
