my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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