oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
