I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
