Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
