I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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