If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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