i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
