But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
