you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
