i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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