I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
