just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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