i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize