So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
