thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
