Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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