The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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