I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
