Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
