i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
