dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
