Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
