I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
