It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
