i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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