on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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