Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
