i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
