i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to make a zoo with you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
