you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
