I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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